Me, myself & I

This is something I struggle with daily... ME! I *want* to take care of myself and do things I like, but I just don't know how!

I see a lot of people going to the gym, taking classes, going out once a week, scrapbooking with friends, etc. I have done all this, but after having 2 kids, it just kind of went downhill. Before kids, obviously it was easy. I had myself to take care of and eventually my boyfriend who then became my husband. Even after our first child, I used to find it pretty easy. When I was a teenager, I used to play hockey and I used to run. In my last year of high school, I played for the basket ball team and started downhill skiing. I had practised cross country skiing for years with my family, so I had a good base (I used to like finding the highest hills to go down!) After I got married, I started going to the gym. I used to get up before 6am and get there for opening (6am) and would work out for about 45 min. and then shower and leave for work. I really liked it! I did this 'till my baby bump got in the way of most of my work out! I put my membership on hold (they let me keep my contract with no penalty) and after I felt good enough after birth, I went back. I continued this for a while, but it got really hard when I started back at work. In my first teaching job, I started at 9am. But after I had the baby, I wanted to find a school that was closer to home, that started earlier (so that I could finish earlier and not be stuck in major traffic) and I also wanted a better grade. So I changed to a school that started an hour earlier. Not that bad, but I had to now leave around 6:25am instead of 7am-7:30am to get there on time. BIG difference when a gym only opens at 6am! I know I might be making up excuses, but that's what I told myself.

A short while later, I got pregnant with number and started to have health issues pretty soon on, so no big exercise routine then neither! After I gave birth, I walked a lot, and still do, but it's not the same.

I see most of my friends and colleagues doing a bunch of fun things and seriously, I don't know how they do it! I really admire them! I kept telling myself that when the kids got older and into a routine, they would sleep well and I would have all evenings to myself (something I rarely got with 2 kids, 2 and under). And it became true! Since November, the kids started going to daycare on the days I worked and had to get up before 6am, so we had to put them to bed by 6:30pm is we wanted them to function the next day. So I usually had from 6:30pm to 9:30pm to do WHATEVER I wanted! And my husband wasn't keeping me home, I just didn't want to do anything! After the kids were put to bed, there was dishes to do, a bit of laundry to fold, lunches to pack, clothes to prepare for the next day, sometimes a bit of work and some sewing and I was just finished. I just had no more energy left! All I could do is plop on the couch and stare at nothing, the TV or computer. Even talking on the phone was hard on the brain! Am I just weird, I don't know?! But something NEEDS to be done!

Even this summer, I'm home all day and all night. I don't like going out, I have a super nice elliptical machine I got for my birthday, I had nice walking paths, but somehow, I stay plopped. I always find something that NEEDS to be done! Dishes, food, sewing, couponing, laundry, activities, etc!

I wonder if I'm the only one like this?

I know I can do it.

I know I can start relaxing for real.

I know I can take care of myself.

I know I can loose weight.

I know I can feel good again.

Now I must change all the cans for wills...